I went for a walk this afternoon in the brilliant cold. I was feeling rather pointless. Very pointless. (because I had nothing I so wanted, even though I have so much to be thankful for already)
Jesus came with me.
“You walk with me through fire…” –Healer
As I was walking, praying about this pointlessness.
A picture of me: standing on a precipice, a deep dark ravine is below me.
Jesus stands, arms open wide, waiting a mere frightening jump across the ravine to the opposing cliff side where He waits.
I can’t jump holding what I want. What (I think) I need. To have purpose, to be so, so happy.
A husband.
A mission.
A baby.
A home.
A country.
An ideal.
Myself even.
All of it must fall into the endless cold darkness below. To die.
But Jesus waits and can I resist?
Jesus came with me.
“You walk with me through fire…” –Healer
As I was walking, praying about this pointlessness.
A picture of me: standing on a precipice, a deep dark ravine is below me.
Jesus stands, arms open wide, waiting a mere frightening jump across the ravine to the opposing cliff side where He waits.
I can’t jump holding what I want. What (I think) I need. To have purpose, to be so, so happy.
A husband.
A mission.
A baby.
A home.
A country.
An ideal.
Myself even.
All of it must fall into the endless cold darkness below. To die.
But Jesus waits and can I resist?
"Trust Me." That wonderful word again, Lord?
A man, baby, missions, home of my own, adventures, change, and all such purposefulness are lovely, and would/will be very nice. But they will not satisfy. Only Jesus will. Is satisfying.
So I jump.
Tears wet my cheeks, having surrendered for the millionth time. Trusting again.
But now I’m free.
And Jesus holds me.
Oh, He loves me.
Oh I love Him.
I love Him.
This love makes it all worth it.
A man, baby, missions, home of my own, adventures, change, and all such purposefulness are lovely, and would/will be very nice. But they will not satisfy. Only Jesus will. Is satisfying.
So I jump.
Tears wet my cheeks, having surrendered for the millionth time. Trusting again.
But now I’m free.
And Jesus holds me.
Oh, He loves me.
Oh I love Him.
I love Him.
This love makes it all worth it.
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Beautiful, Anna! The best place to be, even if you have a man, a baby, a misson, a home, an ideal...is still in the arms of Christ. Even with those things comes the need to be held in the Masters hands, for we truly have nothing if we aren't first found in the cleft of His rock. {hugs}
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about you, Anna! How are you? Drop me an email whenever you want, ok? :)
ReplyDeleteOh my, this post is so parallel to my own life, time and again. These precious, painful lessons.
My best friend just got back from a month of children's ministry overseas, glowing, talking about it, talking about going back. And again I face my fear and doubt. "Lord, why am I HERE? Am I useful here? Needed here?" And He says "Trust me."
So I live by trust, one day at a time, and one step of obedience at a time. Which is how He wants it...He who knows the plans He has for me...and that is when I see how truly blessed I am, HERE. There is so much He has for me to do, and I can be assured I won't be here a moment longer than is His will.
So grateful for His patience, again.
Thank you for this beautiful post.
God bless you girl.
<3, Kelsey :o)
Thank you for the reminder that our identity is in HIM. Not in all the things we DO/Have. He is so good to remind us of it too--just like He did for you on your walk.
ReplyDeleteLove you dear. Let's keep Him as our everything--then we will never lack anything.
Ah, sis. Tis true. your are right on. Only He will satisfy. How cool is that? That the only one who will truly satisfy makes Himself available to us and in love keeps us from those other things that we may long to be by HIS side. The only one who truly loves and satisfies. And as Jen says, we never lack anything cause He is our everything.
ReplyDelete