Affliction, Need, and His Grace . . .

Friday, July 16, 2010 1:54pm

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

When death, like a gypsy
comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
but I fear You aren't listening
because there are no words
just the stillness
and the hunger
for a faith that assures

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

while we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down
[all of the above: jars of clay....the valley song]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During this afternoon...I’ve realized this in part.
It is only because of God’s amazing, wonderful, steadily-there Grace...
That we don’t become a horrible animal of a human, ready to slash everyone to pieces and swear off the sun after healing from a wound. A loss. A tragedy. A great pain. Affliction.
It’s only because of His grace.
And oh, how thankful I am for Him.
How grateful I am for His gift.
It’s amazing.
We would shrivel up like a scab over a wound if not for His grace.
Because of His grace, we can, someday, look upon hard times and extreme pain as a life lesson of sorts..
We will one day be able to look back and see a beautiful scar.
A beautiful wound that hurt worse than anything . . . being the cause of us shoved over a cliff into His arms. Depending on only Him for staying alive.
Because if pain killed, we’d all be dead.
We can’t change on our own; we can’t clutch the broken, shattered, ugly pieces of our life and hurts to ourselves. We can’t keep them. We have to begin with giving Him something. Something. Otherwise, we’ll choke on it one day.
And many of us have reached that ‘one day’ several times...
I wonder how long and how many times it will take for some of us to get a hint?
To get a clue that the mystery is not what matters, but how much we need to depend on Him?

A Conversation with God...

Moses said to the LORD, "See, you say to me, 'Bring up this people,' but You have not let me know whom You will send with me.  Yet You have said, 'I know you by name and you have also found favor in My sight.'  Now therefore, if I have found favor in Your sight, please show me now Your ways, that I may know You...

Consider too that this nation is Your people."

And He [the LORD] said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

And he [Moses] said to Him, "If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here.  For how shall it be known that I have found favor in Your sight, I and Your people?  Is it not in Your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and Your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?"

And the LORD said to Moses, "This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in My sight, and I know you by name."

Moses said, "Please show me Your glory."

And He [the LORD] said, "I will make all My goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you My name 'The LORD'.  And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will show mercy to whom I show mercy.  But," He said, "you cannot see My face, for man shall not see Me and live."

~Exodus 33:12-20

ESV

(photo courtesy of Fotolia)

How He loves us

Here I am again. I have fallen. He has picked me up.
I have sinned.
Repented and
been forgiven
again-again-again
By Someone greater than I.
So much more than I deserve

He is jealous for me

He’s standing there. Arms open wide. Waiting for me to come running.
Jesus wants me all for Himself.
None but Christ.

“For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God.” Exodus 20:5b

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

I stand, drenched, soaked in His love. My arms thrown out, head back, tears streaming, my heart screaming in pain-joy-sorrow-awe in my Savior’s love for me. I cannot understand it, but I need it. Oh I need it. I need You.

“By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, so that we might live through Him, in this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.” 1 John 4:9-10a

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

I cannot stand here for long. I fall to my knees. broken-bleeding-needing Jesus. Only Jesus.

"I am in deep distress. Let me fall into the hands of the LORD, for his mercy is very great..." 1 Chronicles 21:13a

When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

Here in this place of rain drenched pain and joy. He is. He is enough. More. Than I can ever express. My heart is empty yet full. Hungry yet satisfied. Tasting His presence, His love and mercy. My sorrows, my trials, my pains seem small, beside the greatness of His love. Small in the hollow of Your capable, beautiful anguish scarred hands. Pierced for me.

"Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?" Exodus 15:11

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

So beautiful my Jesus. So beautiful. I cannot ever hope to express how beautiful You are. The salvation in your hands, the grace in Your touch, and love in Your eyes. You love me as a Father loves his child. As the Bridegroom adores His bride. As the Potter cares enough to smooth and refine the Clay. You love.

“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." Psalm 27:4

And how great Your affections are for me.

You are love. And You choose to give Yourself. Give love. Lavishly. You want me to call you Abba, and dance with You through the storms and peace. Cling to You as You carry me over mountains and through valleys. Dwell with You in Your presence forever. Abba, I want to stay here. Help me, in my human frailty and unfaithfulness. Teach me to love You. To stay. To Abide in You. In Your love and great affection for me. Help me understand. How great this love is.

“Yet the LORD set his affection on your forefathers and loved them, and He chose you, their descendants, above all the nations, as it is today.” Deuteronomy 10:15

Oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

“For with the Lord there is lovingkindness, and with Him is abundant redemption.” Psalm 130:7

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,

If it is forever to be just You and I. If I am to be always known as I am. If a loving husband and children are not in Your plan. (and even if they are, as I pray and hope it will be so.) Jesus, I want to be known as Yours. Yours completely. Wholly without restraint. I want You to be my prize. Not any earthly gift or treasure. You, Jesus, to be my prize, the goal I am running for, seeking in light and deep darkness. I want to find You and know You more.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

My hands are full of earthly things, empty, hollow and unforgiving…my heart full of dross, but hungry for truth. My hands open, slowly, painfully, releasing the stones of my achievements, my worries, my pleasures, my sins, my wrongs, my dreams…I lay myself on the alter again, bind me there Shepherd…so these idols die, burn to ash…as I cry and beg to be released, my heart sees you there. Salvation and joy in your eyes. It is worth it. This purification, this sanctification….this crucifixion of my flesh. So that You may shine brighter in me. Shine, Jesus, Shine…

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.” Ephesians 1:7-8

If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

I want to drown here Jesus, drown in Your grace, Your love and Your truth. Your Word is life to my flesh and healing to my heart…I cannot survive, I cannot thrive without You. You alone are life and sustenance and breath. Drown me Jesus, in You. Till all I see, feel, know and am is surrounded by You.

"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." 1 Timothy 1:14-15

So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

Come Lord Jesus. Come. I cannot wait to stand before You, trembling in holy fear, my heart ripped to shreds with joy in being with You at last. To fall at Your feet and thank you over and over and over. For all You have done. For all You are. I love You Jesus. Come quickly. Come.

“I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God." Revelation 19:11-13

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

He loves us, Oh how He loves us

Jesus, I want to love like You
Teach me
Shine through me
That I would be Your hands and feet to the world
That those I touch would feel Your hands
Those I speak to would hear Your voice
And those I love know it is You that loves them
So very much
That I would know Your love intimately
And that I would be Your love to the world

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.” 1 Chronicles 16:34

Oh How He Loves us.

Lyrics from the David Crowder Band “Oh How He loves”