John 12:24
"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

Surrender is mandatory for the Christ Follower. It Is good, it is beautiful, but it is painful. So painful.
I lay my dreams on the alter time and time again, only to watch them burn to ashes before my eyes, my lips moving in silent pleading prayer: “Your Will be done.” Even as my heart screams, no no, no, no, keep them, keep the precious darling dreams and maybe you can figure something out, maybe you can work it out, maybe you can make them happen.
I can’t. I know that, know that deep inside.
Would I want to anyhow? Even if I could wave a magic wand, and magic of magic’s there I would be on the mission field, with my darling husband and sweet babies? If I could love more, help more, and radiate Christ more, all on my very own effort?
God gives us these dreams, desires and hopes and then asks gently for them back. So He can have His way. So He can be glorified. More than if I conjured up something, more than if I pushed and prodded. With brokenness I hand Him every precious one until I can’t see them anymore.
I am left bereft, empty of all. A blank slate for Him to write on.
With nothing to hold to except Him.
Yet, isn’t that exactly where we should long to be? Exactly where I need to be? With Jesus and Jesus alone.
It is most hardest, this surrender thing, when I can see the barest hopeful glimmer of possibility. Even then, He asks for that possibility to be placed in His hands. With tearful pleading I place it there, again and again, and pray and hope, and contemplate, maybes and hows and whys…but He asks me to give up even those and just die. (Mark 8:35)
Surrender feels like death, but death can be a lovely thing when life awaits around the corner. Eternal, marvelous life in Jesus.
Trust in Me.
Wait on Me. Hope in Me.
These are all things Jesus is teaching me, showing me by His love and grace during this particular time of surrender. (‘cause surrender never ends ya know =-)
Perhaps one day these dreams will be resurrected, in a more breath-taking manner than I could have imagined. Perhaps they won’t. I don’t know. Only God knows. That is as it should be…
Not my will but Yours, Lord Jesus. Even as my dreams lay broken like shattered glass, the veil torn from my eyes and hope blazing in my heart. I will surrender again, again, again. Till all of me is Yours.


  1. Great article, Anna! Your words really ring true. Dreams that are the Fathers, even though birthed in us, are better in His hands.

  2. Anna, thank you for sharing your heart so openly, and how the Lord is teaching you to wait and hope in Him alone. It's all about Him, and no hope in Him is ever deferred. :) The reminder was a blessing today.

  3. Truly, truly...it hurts so good!
    Thanks Anna!

  4. Hi Anna! I found this blog through a post of yours on the young ladies christian fellowship. This post you wrote really encouraged me...it hit SO close to home, even down to the same dreams for me of the mission field, husband and babies. What incredible lessons the Lord teaches us through these dreams, even when we think we will not survive the surrendering. I long to be like Abraham, ready to slay my only child, the child God gave me, because I cannot put ANYTHING before my Lord. As I strive to put Him first and focus entirely on Him, I find I know His character a little more and trust Him more, which makes the surrender truly a love offering. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I am blessed.
    Your sister in the Lord Jesus,
    Kelsey G.

  5. Wow Anna such a powerful article, even more so the second time. :) Thank you for sharing your heart. I needed that today.

  6. Kelsey --this is Anna, using my sister Beka's blogger at the moment-- thank you for your comment! I would love to discuss this more with you, if you'd like... My email is zionschild @cfaith.com
    We seem to have a lot of things in common, from the look of your profile. :) God bless!


Please keep in mind Luke 6:45 (A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.), Proverbs 21:23 (Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.) and Psalm 19:14 (May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.)before posting a comment.